乔治.卡林名言 38. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. 38．想想看，普通人多愚蠢，可还有一半人更愚蠢。 39. A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. 39．房子只是一个在你外出时储藏你现有的东西的地方，然后你可以带更多的东西回来。 40. Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man?living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money. 40．宗教使人们相信在天上有一个我们看不见的人，他每时每刻都观察着你所作的一切，而这个我们看不见的人有十件不希望我们做的事，如果你做了，他就会把你送到某个地方，哪里到处是炙人的火和烟，还有你要永远忍受的痛苦和折磨，这些痛苦、烈焰和惨叫会持续到时间的尽头。但是，他是爱你的，而且他需要钱。 41. You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans. 41．你知道得克萨斯州的那些判决最大的影响是什么吗？那里人更少了。 42. Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, “You show me a tropical fruit and I’ll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.“” 42. 这让我想起了我三年级老师跟我说的话，她说：“你给我看一个热带水果，我就给你看一个危地马拉口交者。“” 43. I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos. 43. 我没上过十岁的，我有一晚上用五乘以了二。. 44. What year did Jesus think it was? 44. 上帝啊，你以为这是个什么年代？ 45. The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,“” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,“” and “Thou shalt not lie“” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment. 45. 我们不能把十戒贴在法院的真正原因是：你不能让“不可偷窃“”、“不可通奸“”、“不可说谎“”这样的字眼出现在一个满是律师、法官、政客的地方，这样会创造不利的工作环境。 46. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 46．无神论就是不做预言的体制。 47. “No comment“” is a comment. 47．“无可奉告“”就是一条奉告。 48. If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work. 48．如果一个人一直都面带微笑，那他很可能是在推销不能用的东西。 49. The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it. 49．为什么我们说“美国梦“”，你得先睡着才能相信。 史蒂夫.马丁名言 50. Boy, those French: They have a different word for everything! 50．伙计，你瞧法语，每样东西都有不同的词表示。 51. There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that. 51．只有一件事能让我离婚，那就是我和其他女人在一起的时候被妻子逮个正着。这是我不能忍受的。 52. Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It’s something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town. 52．主持奥斯卡颁奖礼就像和一个女人做爱，比尔.克里斯托不在的时候才能实现。 53. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. 53．我相信，性是美好的、自然的、健康的，而且是钱能买来的。 54. You know what your problem is, it’s that you haven’t seen enough movies - all of life’s riddles are answered in the movies. 54．你知道你的问题出在哪儿吗？你看得电影不够多，生活中的所有困惑都能在电影里找到答案。 55. First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. 55．医生先是告诉我有一个好消息：有一种疾病将以我的名字命名。 56. Why is it we don’t always recognize the moment when love begins, but we always know when it ends? * As Harris K. Telemacher in “L.A. Story“” (1991) 56．为什么我们总是意识不到爱情何时开始，却总是知道何时结束？ * 就像《L.A 故事》中的哈里斯.K.特勒马西（1991） 史蒂文.科比尔名言 57. “To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush? I feel like I’m dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I’m a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough? Somebody shoot me in the face.“” -Roasting Bush at the 2006 White House Correspondents’ dinner 57．“和我的偶像乔治.布什共进晚餐吗？我会感觉像是在做梦。有人会掐我，但是你知道吗。这可不够，我的梦可不容易醒，得有人在我头上狠狠敲一下。“” 58. On this show, your voice will be heard - in the form of my voice. 58．在这个节目里你的声音将被传达，当然了，是用我的声音。 59. There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust“”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money. 59．在美国人们常说这样一句话：“我们将一切交给上帝“”，这正是上帝想要的：我们的钱。 60. Folks, the President needs a break. He’s like a Black and Decker cordless Dirt Devil vacuum. If you don’t recharge his batteries, he can’t suck. 60．伙计们，我们的总统需要休息一下，就像百德公司的吸污天使牌无绳吸尘器，你不给他充电就没法吸脏东西了。 61. I’ve always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can’t judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book? 61．我对美女总是趋之若鹜。自然，看人就像看书，不能从封皮判断好坏，可是谁会想跟书做爱。 62. Now, I don’t see color. People tell me I’m white and I believe them because police officers call me “sir“”. 62．我眼睛分辨不出肤色。人们说我是白人，我信。因为警察尊称我“先生“”。 63. Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people. 63．“亚洲“”这个词英语有四个字母，却拥有三十亿人。 64. “There’s nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends that are going to hell.“” 64．是同性恋本身没什么错，但我有很多朋友不太好过。 65. Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals. 65．上帝宽恕罪人，可不宽恕罪犯。